Underwhelming. That’s the one word to describe my feelings after putting well over 100 hours in Baldur’s Gate 3. It started out good, carried out OK, just to have the whole thing come crashing down with one of the most underwhelming, shitty, rushed, patchy, lackluster, unsatisfying finales I’ve ever seen in a video game, and especially one so laser focused on story-telling. I seriously have seen better endings in Puyo Puyo games, and that is a Tetris game basically. Jesus Christ, it’s so crappy it kills my enthusiasm for a replay, which I was considering all the way up to the end (I was intentionally ignoring the wizard class during my playthrough in order to focus on it for a replay.) So there, that’s my paragraph summary for Baldur’s Gate 3. It hurts that the game sent me off with such disregard for its own story and characters. Now for the detailed review.
2 months ago my sibling got this game, played it for a couple of hours and then spent an entire weekend riffing it. He hated the narrator, hated the characters, found the atmosphere of the game phony and the exploration uninteresting. He disliked how the story is mostly told instead of shown and how nobody can ever shut the fuck up. Meanwhile, on the internet side of things, I’m reading how this game is pathetic, how you can be non-binary, how it focuses on romance and sex and it’s a disgrace to the Baldur’s Gate franchise altogether. After watching an official trailer and all it showed was monsters kissing I decided I would not be playing the game despite enjoying the first Baldur’s Gate a lot. I thought the game was not for me and just forgot about it. Except I didn’t and a week later decided to give it a try, just to see how bad it was.
And the internet was once again wrong. Not entirely, just mostly wrong. Yes you can choose non-binary and give yourself a skin disease in character creation. You can see dicks and tits. This however has literally zero impact on the narrative or gameplay. The romance is there but again it’s not nearly as big as people were saying. There’s a whole lot of stuff to do here other than trying to fuck your companions. They all have their own lives and problems going on that you can explore and know about without the ‘fucking them’ part. In summary, I know why Larian focused so hard on these details of the game when promoting BG3. It was to get the dummies on twitter to talk about the game and make them purchase it. And it worked. They knew talking about how you can choose non-binary in character creation was going to generate social media clout for the dummies. And the internet, being the idiot it is, fell for it. Why would you talk about challenging turn-based combat (this game has it btw)? The Divinity and DnD geeks are going to purchase this game anyways, so why bother.
The media focus on these parts of the game however gave me something very valuable when starting with a new game: ZERO EXPECTATIONS. Because of the whole buzz generated around BG3 and what people were talking about I had pretty much negative expectations for it. I didn’t even think there was going to be a game there, more like a woke walking simulator. Instead I found a game with solid, even challenging classic turn-based encounters. So challenging in fact I had to actually take the time to read the spells and potion ingredients. I realized there IS an actual video game in Baldur’s Gate 3! I was so damn happy about it, being a fan of the first games and a D&D player since AD&D days. I was elated when I actually suffered a TPK on the Goblin camp. It made me so happy I was being forced to play smart in order to survive.
But I wasn’t happy about all aspects of the games right away. Some things bothered me greatly and some things needed getting used to. First, my brother was correct. Characters in Baldur’s Gate 3 won’t shut the fuck up. Not for the first 10 hours at least. They quiet down a little bit after that. It was hard for me getting used to this. I don’t usually play games heavily focused on telling their stories through voice acting. Usually it’s just a block of text. And the narrator voicing the text you can read at the bottom of the screen for yourself was even harder to get used to. I’ve been reading video game fluff for over 30 years now, so you can imagine I can read these things in half a second. The narrator on the other hand is acting and reciting these lines like a troubadour. It took me a while to take a step back and let the narrator do her job. Once I got used to the pacing of a game that is focused on conversations for plot points, it was OK. In fact I even grew fond of the acting. In fact I have to say I’ve never seen such good voice acting all around. Not in cartoons, movies or games. They really went all in on this aspect of it. Even the random animals you can talk to using animal speak spells or potions have excellent voice actors. The cats and several birds in particular have very amusing and endearing one liners. Little by little this game won me over. They knew the voice acting is one of the better parts of their game and relied heavily on it. For example, I had to redo an entire session because of a crash and the same stretch that took me an hour I finished in about 25 minutes, doing everything the same way but skipping the dialogue. Turns out so much of the game itself is just you listening to people talking. I wouldn’t be surprised if my 120 hour run of BG3 has at least 40 or so of me just sitting there listening to people talking about stuff.
Some things I couldn’t get used to however. The first of these is the camera. It’s wonky as hell. It flips and jumps and makes sudden turns that make you click on things by accident. I can’t even begin to count how many times I accidentally clicked on Lae’zel while trying to see a threshold or passageway. The inventory windows are a little bit weird and they have a tendency to show up in inconvenient places and they’re even more inconvenient to drag around the screen. Again, can’t count how many times I accidentally clicked on something else while trying to drag a window around to compare items or whatever. The sellers are also a bit weird. Each character has to deal with the seller individually and it makes it a pain to check and compare for items across all characters. Those are minor issues though and it’s not a big deal. For myself at least.
The bugs did bother me though. And there are so many of them. I’m sure a lot of them must have been ironed out by now. There’s a whole area of the game in my version that is basically broken. Some helmets and things keep jumping from the characters’ heads and float above the character models instead. Several pieces of dialogue repeat themselves if you approach the characters from a less than obvious direction, or won’t play right. The game crashed over a dozen times and in one particular case I lost over an hour of progress. I tend to be quite forgiving towards technical issues like these, so whatever. I just need to download a newer version if I ever play this thing again.
As for the gameplay, it’s a turn-based RPG. For a game that is supposed to be some innovator within the RPG genre, I found the gameplay itself to be same old same old. Yes the animation is fancier now and the characters have one liners and the sound effects are cool but it’s the turn-based RPG we have been playing for decades now. I don’t have a problem with it but it surprised me how standard it is. Then again, this is just 5th edition D&D in video game format. I liked how you get to roll dice for ability checks, though I would think for people who are not into tabletop gaming this must look odd and out of place. Why have a long dice roll animation when we know the result can be had virtually as soon as you click your mouse? Still, being a tabletop gamer myself I approve of this. There are many situations where I just wish the game gave you nat 20s to use in difficult roles instead of rerolls (inspiration). There’s about 5 or 6 roles in BG3 that you need a crit and it pissed me off I had to resort to save scumming to get it. In this too BG3 feels very much like an old game like classic Fallout games and the first Baldur’s Gate where you pretty much had to save scum, get incredibly lucky or die.
Moving on to another aspect of the gameplay I want to talk about: exploration. This is where I’ll start to get into the plot and atmosphere side of things. So let me put a SPOILERS ALERT right here. If you want to experience this game for yourself then stop here. You’ve been warned.
Alright. The exploration of this game is also nothing new. In fact it’s pretty close to how exploration is done in the original Baldur’s Gate. The main thing about this though is the general atmosphere and mood of the places you explore. BG3 locations exist in the Faerûn continent, more specifically western of Faerûn, along the Sword Coast. This area is the most used for D&D games because of its potential for adventure. It’s a dangerous place too, except BG3 fails to really convey any sense of real danger or even a sense of wilderness. I never quite felt like I was exploring the wilderness and ancient temples, it felt more like exploring a mini golf course or a movie set. It’s the same feeling of exploration I get in Zelda games but in Zelda I have a sense it’s on purpose and in Baldur’s Gate 3 I feel like this is mostly an accident. I think the main factor behind this is because every single place you can explore, there lies some scripted event for you. Everywhere you go there are boulders and trees and rocks that block your way, even though you have teleport and fly and magically enhanced jumps. It makes no sense to be this restricted to open road but the game requires to railroad your exploration severely so you get these script events sitting there for, hopefully in order. So instead of getting the feeling of exploration, you get the feeling you’re looking for a particular store in the shopping mall. There’s very little sense of danger or mystery. It pretty much feels connect the dots.
There’s still fun to be had with the exploration but it quickly turns from “what’s out there?” to “what exposition dump is scripted for me at the end of this road?”. My sibling pretty much hated this and I’m guessing a number of people would be bothered by it as well. I was more prone to accept this for a few reasons. First, I’ve explored these areas in the past the way they were meant to be explored: the tabletop, classic RPG experience. I read the books and played lots of games in the Forgotten Realms setting so I was curious to know how a video game released in the current year would handle it. My brother on the other hand has no particular interest in D&D and was experiencing BG3 as a video game first and foremost. He compared it with the exploration in the Elden Ring which he says is infinitely better. Since I have a connection with these locations prior to this game it was fun for me to “explore” them. Also I didn’t play Elden Ring.
The graphics are another reason for this lack of grit. Everything feels too pristine, shiny, movie set props. Even the cobwebs look like cotton candy. The whole appearance of the game feels a little bit toothless and lacking in grit is what I’m saying. This is not a BG3 issue alone, I felt that way with video games like Pathfinder.
And finally we have the story itself. It’s a game pretty much focused on telling a story. So is it any good? Sorta. The main plot, again, for a game said to be revolutionary, is pretty milquetoast when you really look for what it is: A big baddie trying to take over the world. Not exactly brilliant, is it? Are there some interesting plot twists here and there? Yes, there are interesting moments in there, but it’s not revolutionary in any shape or form. But then again, BG3 doesn’t seem to care all that much about its main plot (something that really fucks up the ending, but more of that later), but instead is focus on the personal stories of your companions and here’s where I have problems with the story. It’s virtually THE SAME STORY for every.single.companion. To the point I was laughing out loud how ridiculous it got.
So we have Shadowheart. She’s rebelling against her Goddess. We have Lae’zel. She’s rebelling against her Goddess. We have Gale. He’s rebelling against her Goddess. We have Astarion. He’s rebelling against his soon-to-become-a-god vampire master. We have the Emperor. He’s rebelling against his basically-a-God Netherbrain. We have Halsin. He’s trying to rebuild his grove. Oh. OK. Halsin gets a pass I guess. It was hilarious to see the same story unfolding over and over and over again. Seriously? A story driven game and they couldn’t come up with something a little different for each of the main characters? It had to be the same fucking story for everybody? Fucking LOL man.
There’s this anti-god agenda that REALLY, REALLY trumps everything else in the story. It’s like the writers completely forgot the Gods in D&D are an actual thing that exists with actual powers and stuff. Instead we get these toothless, sleazy Gods made in order for the characters to appear “cool” and “rebels breaking free from tyranny and oppression”. Yeah, don’t make me laugh, BG3. These are lvl 4 characters, they’re not breaking free of SHIT. If I was DMing this I would make sure to show the players just how out of touch this plotline is with the actual tabletop game, but whatever. For one all the magic would be basically gone. All clerics would lose their powers, all paladins would become mere fighters. This is what you would get for fucking with Gods in an actual D&D game, but these milquetoast Gods is all the writers could come up with so we’re rolling with it I guess. And when you get a good, helpful Goddess in the game (Selune) she’s severely handwaved and ignored, despite being a major aspect for Shadowrun down the line. Again, fucking whatever, I just went with it.
Since all the characters’ plotlines are basically the same and the major plotline is “kill the big baddie” there’s not all that much to talk about, instead I want to mention a few things the game did get right in my opinion in regards to the flavor of these stories at least. First the plotline with Astarion, easily the best one. Not only is the actor probably the best one in an already excellent cast, the game nailed for me the general atmosphere of vampiric decadence and how gay vampires are in general. This is an impression I always had about vampires since reading Dracula and Anne Rice novels like Interview with a Vampire. They’re just incredibly gay and decadent. And I don’t mean necessarily sexual, Dracula has 3 wives after all, but their lust for human blood really puts them in this “sensual area” of interaction where they need to basically give you the kiss of death in order to feed, and they’re usually very urban libertine types, prone to unusual almost-sexual and straight up sexual behavior. I gotta say this game really got it and I was happy to witness I’m not the only one that feels vampires should have that atmosphere about them. Astarion is a character that nailed these particular aspects of vampires for me and it made me quite happy to watch it unfold, however cliched and predictable his plotline is. When we finally get to Cazador there’s one of the gayest, most vampiric scenes I’ve ever witnessed in a video game and it was great, just perfect.
As for Lae’zel I mostly liked how she’s very much how I imagine Githyankis to sound and behave (when they’re not outright fucked up and evil) and it was nice we got a more noble character from a race that is basically a bunch of raiders. It’s cool they saw that potential there but at the same time this has been done before so, meh. Meh also goes for every other character. Didn’t care at all about Gale (a lvl1 nobody character that happens to be the lover of the Goddess of Magic? lolnope). He’s mostly there so Elminster can be inserted here and there in the story but the whole thing including Elminster himself are pretty much shoehorned in there without any narrative grace or taste. It’s mostly pointless, it goes nowhere and the guy playing Elminster is trying too hard to sound like Gandalf. I know Elminster is just a clone of Gandalf but come on. They have an Aasimar there too but the necromancer keeping her in captivity is way more interesting than her (and you have to kill him, which sucks.)
There’s plenty of side characters with better stories than the main ones, because at least their plot is different from the ‘rebel against the gods’ thing. The whole Tiefling situation there is cool, I mostly enjoyed anything related to Raphael and Hope as well. Barcus has a really nice friendship story that is better than the main romances that you can engage with the main characters. Then you have Shadowheart and the only thing that caught my attention there was how her head model is one of the most attractive 3D models I’ve ever seen in a video game. She looks stunning, especially with the dark hair. As far as her story goes however it’s pretty run-of-the-mill. There’s also a dog you find in act I with a very endearing little tale, again, better than some of the stuff written for the main characters. I mostly enjoyed the depiction of the Goblinoids and most monsters. I’ve been looking at illustrations for these creatures since the second edition and it didn’t disappoint.
Be that as it may, despite all the lack of grit, the predictable plot line, the lack of variation, I was enjoying myself. D&D is part of my childhood, everything has an endearing air to me, even when I disagree with what they’re doing. So I kept playing. It’s not a bad game. Main encounters are challenging, there are tons of weapons, scrolls, objects, potions, ingredients, food and wine and gadgets to collect, read about and use. So after over a 100 hours of this and over two months bonding with the characters and locations, you reach the end. And the ending for Baldur’s Gate 3 is really god damned awful. The worst part of the game hands down.
It’s about 30 seconds long, the main characters get a single line or none at all, no epilogue, barely any closing or care. Rushed out the door with complete disregard for the story, the very effort that went in the rest of the game and the player himself. It’s so bad it’s obviously a scheduling thing. It’s crystal clear they had no time to finish this game properly. Several stories that seem to be pointing to a certain culmination and having their loose ties resolved never happen. No epilogue, nothing. You spend the whole game politicking and solving people’s problems in order to make them your allies and none of them show up and it doesn’t really matter after all. “Thanks to you the whole continent of Faerun is safe, good bye now” THE END. Wow. It almost made me sad. I would be happier with a block of text with a little bit more enthusiasm than this poorly made 30 seconds of pointless small talk. It really undermines the rest of the game when the ending is this fucking bad.
To add to that ending there’s also the problem of how boring the last few hours of gameplay got leading to it. They tried to make epic looking battles in turn-based combat. The mistake was putting a lot of enemies to fight against you in order to give a sense of menace. And you know what happens when you have 20+ enemies in a turn-based combat game? You move your guys and then are forced to watch as the game plays with itself, moving 20+ fucking units around the field for 5 minutes at a time. What a terrible idea that is. I almost gave up and switched to easy just to make things quicker but persevered because I felt like I wanted to “deserve” the ending. Then the ending rolls and it’s a disgrace. Then 2 hours of credit rolls.
So yeah despite all these problems, all in all I enjoyed it. I think it’s harder to enjoy this if you don’t have a previous connection to the D&D franchise and Forgotten Realms, if you don’t know who Elminster is or what an Illithid is. Sure the game will explain all those things to you but you don’t have any previous attachment to any of that, so it won’t be as important or endearing to you.
